In Case You Were Wondering

How did you move on from your relationship and avoid overthinking?

Overthinking is something I’ve done more often than I care to admit  and honestly, I still do. It took a lot of reflection to understand where it was coming from. And what I uncovered is something I think many of us can relate to, beneath the constant overanalyzing were trauma triggers I hadn’t fully acknowledged.

These mental loops weren’t just bad habits they were survival mechanisms, rooted in past experiences where I felt unsafe, unheard, or unsure. Now, I’m learning every day how to be the best version of me, while accepting that I will never be perfect. Life will never be perfect. And that’s okay. What is important is learning to slow down, breathe, and give myself the space to truly understand what’s happening before letting my mind spiral into fear or doubt. Because that pause, that moment of awareness, can be the difference between self-sabotage and self-compassion.

How did you know when it was the right time to leave?

Moving on from the relationship I was in for 17 years was not an easy decision. In fact, I found myself teetering on the edge of staying and leaving many times over many years before I actually walked away. There were countless moments when I tried to create space, to pull away and build the confidence I needed to leave. And time after time, he would swoop back in with a half-hearted apology and a promise to change. It would work for a while. Maybe a month. Then, inevitably, the old patterns would return. Eventually, I had to ask myself the hard questions I’d been avoiding:

• Is this relationship healthy for me?

• What are my needs and are they being met?

• What am I actually afraid of losing?

• Do I have the support I need to get out and stay out?

Asking yourself these questions takes courage, especially when you know deep down the answers will force you to confront how long you’ve been neglecting your own needs.

That’s why the last question is so important. You need support.
Lean on the people who show up for you consistently, the ones who have nothing but your best interests at heart. Create a circle of genuine support and be just as intentional about cutting out the relationships that drain or confuse you.

Because on the hard days (and there will be hard days), these people will be the ones who remind you of your worth. They’ll lift you up and encourage you to keep putting yourself first.

How do you put yourself out there again?

Putting yourself out there again isn’t just about dating, it’s about reclaiming you. It’s about saying yes to the things you want to do without the fear of it leading to a blowout fight. For me, it started with small but powerful shifts.
I went back to the gym something he always resented because it “took away” from my so-called wifely duties, like cooking his dinner. I started stopping for a mani/pedi on a whim, without worrying about the backlash or the silent treatment. But the real turning point came when I started reconnecting with the things that light me up. Volunteering, fundraising, getting involved in causes that mattered deeply to me, these things became my saving grace. Helping others helped me find myself again. It reminded me of my strength, my heart, my why. All of this helped me rebuild my confidence not because someone else gave it to me, but because I gave it back to myself. And then when it's all aligned, dating doesn't look all that scary, and in my case I have enjoyed getting to know an amazing man who makes me feel safe, respects my boundaries, and lifts me up constantly. It is something I have never experienced and something that brings me great joy every day.

What is one of the things you would say you did for yourself to help yourself feel better?

Feeling better comes in waves. Some days you feel strong, and others hit you out of nowhere with grief, doubt, or loneliness. That’s normal. That’s healing. One thing I’ve learned is that the key isn’t to force yourself to feel better all the time it’s to stay consistent and intentional with how you care for yourself. I got really honest about what truly mattered to me in my healing process and I honored those needs. On the hard days, I gave myself permission to take a me day. Whether it was pampering myself, unplugging, or simply sitting with my feelings, those small acts reminded me of my worth. They were a quiet way of saying I matter. My healing matters.

What has this relationship taught you about yourself?

Through it all, I’ve learned something I wish I had realized years ago, I never gave myself enough credit. I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was and I am an incredible person worthy of love, peace, joy, and every single thing I dream of. Not because someone else says so, but because I know it now.